1 00:00:01,040 --> 00:00:07,080 What will I do when you are far 2 00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:12,500 away and I am blue? 3 00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:18,440 What will I do when I'm alone 4 00:00:18,440 --> 00:00:24,780 with only dreams of you? 5 00:00:57,849 --> 00:00:58,849 Sorry. 6 00:00:59,490 --> 00:01:01,330 Vic, can we hit it? 7 00:01:02,570 --> 00:01:03,730 Sit back and push off. 8 00:01:06,570 --> 00:01:07,570 I can't, Vic. 9 00:01:08,330 --> 00:01:09,610 It's like Mastermind. 10 00:01:09,830 --> 00:01:11,210 I've started, so I've got to finish. 11 00:01:18,730 --> 00:01:19,730 It's a little bit... 12 00:01:28,460 --> 00:01:29,460 Hello, Chrissie. 13 00:01:29,620 --> 00:01:32,140 Oh, hello, pal. 14 00:01:32,900 --> 00:01:34,660 Just keeping your feet warm for you. 15 00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:41,200 You know, Kip had two grand poker winnings. He told me to whistle for it. 16 00:01:41,220 --> 00:01:42,220 he whistled for us. 17 00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:45,900 So we bought the debt. And now you owe us three grand. 18 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,060 Three grand? Be fair. 19 00:01:48,860 --> 00:01:50,360 It'll be four next month. 20 00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:51,700 It's like the Chancellor says. 21 00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:54,080 Interest rates are a crude weapon. 22 00:01:54,340 --> 00:01:55,340 Well, they were. 23 00:01:56,590 --> 00:01:58,690 We all know about crude weapons, don't we, Chrissie? 24 00:01:59,530 --> 00:02:02,090 Yeah, where am I going to get my hands on three grand? 25 00:02:02,450 --> 00:02:04,870 You could sell your body to medical science. 26 00:02:06,450 --> 00:02:08,630 If they'll have it after we finish with it. 27 00:02:14,450 --> 00:02:15,450 OK, 28 00:02:21,170 --> 00:02:23,390 girls, so this is the tiebreaker. 29 00:02:23,870 --> 00:02:29,270 Cupid already knows Steve's secret movie fantasy, but you have to guess. Is it 30 00:02:29,270 --> 00:02:33,610 A, to make wild, passionate love on a beach as the tide sweeps in, like Burt 31 00:02:33,610 --> 00:02:35,130 Lancaster in From Here to Eternity? 32 00:02:35,990 --> 00:02:36,990 B, 33 00:02:37,870 --> 00:02:41,570 to lie on a huge four -poster while a beautiful woman disrobes to Ravel's 34 00:02:41,570 --> 00:02:43,930 Bolero, like Dudley Moore in Ten? 35 00:02:44,710 --> 00:02:49,890 Or C, to find an unusual use for half a pan of Lurpac like Marlon Brando in Last 36 00:02:49,890 --> 00:02:50,890 Tango in Paris? 37 00:02:57,260 --> 00:02:58,260 it over. 38 00:02:58,340 --> 00:03:00,660 Don't you want to know who wins and where they're going to go on their 39 00:03:00,660 --> 00:03:01,760 to know you mini break? 40 00:03:02,060 --> 00:03:04,700 I couldn't give a monkey's romancing the stones on this side in a minute. 41 00:03:05,100 --> 00:03:08,660 See, you're a sucker for a bit of romance, same as everyone else. 42 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:13,900 Here, Trace, where would you go on your getting to know you mini break? 43 00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:17,260 I don't want to get to know someone. I've got my Daryl. 44 00:03:17,540 --> 00:03:21,340 Yeah, but suppose you was with some bloke that was personally chosen for you 45 00:03:21,340 --> 00:03:22,700 Cupid, the love computer. 46 00:03:23,060 --> 00:03:26,140 What a load of old cons. You can't fall in love by computer. 47 00:03:27,370 --> 00:03:28,370 Who's talking about love? 48 00:03:28,710 --> 00:03:30,970 I'm talking about a week's free leg over in the sun. 49 00:03:33,050 --> 00:03:36,970 That's really disgusting, is it? I can't imagine what sort of woman would go on 50 00:03:36,970 --> 00:03:37,970 a show like that. 51 00:03:38,250 --> 00:03:42,030 Expose herself to all that ridicule. Surrender her self -respect and dignity. 52 00:03:43,330 --> 00:03:45,570 So you won't want a ticket when I'm in it next month, then? 53 00:03:46,990 --> 00:03:49,090 What? You're going to be on the telly? 54 00:03:49,470 --> 00:03:50,470 Pull the other one. 55 00:03:50,850 --> 00:03:52,530 I'll pull them all if I get the chance. 56 00:03:54,430 --> 00:03:55,430 Asma, look at that. 57 00:04:12,650 --> 00:04:13,650 Got caught in a door. 58 00:04:15,710 --> 00:04:16,790 Door all right, is it? 59 00:04:18,130 --> 00:04:19,130 It's not funny. 60 00:04:20,430 --> 00:04:21,430 Here, shell. 61 00:04:22,450 --> 00:04:24,770 You don't reckon you can lay your hands on three grand, do you? 62 00:04:25,910 --> 00:04:28,530 I'd heard you could get mind -expanding drugs inside. 63 00:04:30,150 --> 00:04:31,630 Why? Ah, don't matter. 64 00:04:32,610 --> 00:04:33,610 So what's new? 65 00:04:35,310 --> 00:04:36,850 I've come to talk to you about the divorce. 66 00:04:37,570 --> 00:04:39,290 I thought you was going to knock that on the head. 67 00:04:40,010 --> 00:04:41,010 No, not really. 68 00:04:41,580 --> 00:04:44,460 I just said I wouldn't force the issue unless I met another bloke. 69 00:04:44,980 --> 00:04:46,420 What? And you have? 70 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:48,880 Met some dickhead who wants to marry you? 71 00:04:50,700 --> 00:04:52,780 Not yet, but I'm about to. 72 00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:54,040 Eh? 73 00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:55,320 You know, second time lucky. 74 00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:58,360 Yeah, that's my favourite programme. 75 00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:00,220 I'm on it next month. 76 00:05:00,460 --> 00:05:03,160 They say you've got a beauty ball, so if they check... Who are you trying to 77 00:05:03,160 --> 00:05:04,160 kill? 78 00:05:08,460 --> 00:05:09,780 You can't do this. 79 00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:14,660 I'm not having my wife get off with some ponce in front of 10 million people. 80 00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:16,340 I'd better light this like a sea wing. 81 00:05:17,420 --> 00:05:19,160 Sounds like ground for the boat to me. 82 00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:28,320 Why didn't she take her key? 83 00:05:36,900 --> 00:05:38,060 Dorian, what is it? 84 00:05:38,840 --> 00:05:39,840 Luke. 85 00:05:47,980 --> 00:05:48,980 What do you mean old? 86 00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:53,600 I don't know what to do. 87 00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:55,600 What happened? 88 00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:57,400 He's gone. 89 00:05:57,680 --> 00:05:58,639 Oh, no. 90 00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:01,940 Oh, no, you've fallen out with Luke before, haven't you? Well, not 91 00:06:03,020 --> 00:06:04,660 We've had our ups and downs. 92 00:06:05,840 --> 00:06:09,540 Now he's admitted completely out of the blue. He's been two -timing me for 93 00:06:09,540 --> 00:06:10,540 months. 94 00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:12,740 And I just thought he was tired. 95 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:16,980 Tracy, he's been seeing another woman. 96 00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:19,320 No, a child. 97 00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:22,040 Tracy, she's 19. 98 00:06:23,940 --> 00:06:27,820 How can I compete with a 19 -year -old? 99 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:29,320 I don't know. 100 00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:32,540 We're in here, Shell. 101 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:36,480 Blimey, it's Alice Cooper. 102 00:06:54,380 --> 00:06:56,480 He just didn't feel we were going anywhere. 103 00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:59,720 But you used to take him out all the time, don't you? 104 00:07:00,700 --> 00:07:01,880 Sharon, shut it. 105 00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:06,840 I don't know what to do. 106 00:07:09,020 --> 00:07:16,020 Luke was so... He was so... He made 107 00:07:16,020 --> 00:07:17,300 me feel so... 108 00:07:26,850 --> 00:07:29,530 forever. Sooner or later the man gets bored. 109 00:07:29,730 --> 00:07:30,730 You've seen Dallas. 110 00:07:31,190 --> 00:07:32,350 Sing it, Aubrey. 111 00:07:32,850 --> 00:07:37,510 As the song says, breaking up is hard to do. Oh, what do you know? 112 00:07:38,470 --> 00:07:42,210 When have you ever had a relationship with someone you really cared about? 113 00:07:43,290 --> 00:07:44,970 Don't judge me, Dorian. 114 00:07:45,550 --> 00:07:47,950 You don't know anything about my past life. 115 00:07:49,290 --> 00:07:53,070 You don't know how I cried and cried when Stu Summers said I couldn't go to 116 00:07:53,070 --> 00:07:54,070 party. 117 00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:58,040 I was really in love with him. 118 00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:00,600 We was practically engaged in everything. 119 00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:03,120 You remember him, don't you, Trace? 120 00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:04,520 No. 121 00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:07,680 Stu Summers. 122 00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:09,800 St Thomas Abney Junior Mix. 123 00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:12,600 The little kid with the swing. 124 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:14,960 Oh, 125 00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:17,600 pay no attention to her, Dorian. 126 00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:20,480 Look, maybe this gives you a chance to save your marriage. 127 00:08:20,820 --> 00:08:23,660 I mean, if you put half the energy into your marriage you put into your affair 128 00:08:23,660 --> 00:08:24,599 with Luke... 129 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:27,700 This is right. This is your chance to make something of your marriage. 130 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:30,200 I mean, let's face it, do I? 131 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:33,020 Pulling young blokes is going to get harder and harder. 132 00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:38,020 And do you reckon you can go on lifting it all up, tucking it all in and putting 133 00:08:38,020 --> 00:08:39,020 it all away? 134 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:43,340 You can't defy gravity forever, you know. 135 00:08:45,100 --> 00:08:46,180 Thank you, Sharon. 136 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:48,580 No, I only meant... No, no, no. 137 00:08:49,420 --> 00:08:50,420 I mean it. 138 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:52,080 Thank you. 139 00:08:53,370 --> 00:08:54,370 You're right. 140 00:09:02,350 --> 00:09:04,130 I don't know what you're all so chirpy about. 141 00:09:05,050 --> 00:09:08,490 I'm not into the MacArthur's for three grand, am I? Well, it's not funny. 142 00:09:09,350 --> 00:09:10,530 What am I going to do, Del? 143 00:09:10,910 --> 00:09:12,070 Well, you could go and be the governor. 144 00:09:12,450 --> 00:09:13,470 Apply for Rule 43. 145 00:09:14,410 --> 00:09:16,490 Oh, yeah, yeah, great choice, that, yeah. 146 00:09:17,050 --> 00:09:18,950 Do the rest of me time banged up in Ewing. 147 00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:21,740 With the poncies, perverts and poisoners. 148 00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:24,560 You made your bed? Yeah, hospital bed. 149 00:09:25,700 --> 00:09:27,320 I can't remember how to do it. 150 00:09:28,820 --> 00:09:29,820 All right. 151 00:09:31,060 --> 00:09:32,060 Here you are. 152 00:09:33,300 --> 00:09:35,000 I need cash, not flesh. 153 00:09:35,260 --> 00:09:36,520 Help me take your mind off things. 154 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:37,720 I'm not in a mood. 155 00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:39,360 Read the mooring articles then. 156 00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:41,420 No one reads Mayfair. 157 00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:42,720 I do. 158 00:09:43,459 --> 00:09:44,459 Eventually. 159 00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:48,520 If you don't straighten the McCarthy's, the motoring articles will be the only 160 00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:49,740 thing that still raise your interest. 161 00:09:51,780 --> 00:09:53,620 I do not believe this. 162 00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:57,640 Yeah. Newquay's nudist district nurse. A bit bad for the blood pressure, isn't 163 00:09:57,640 --> 00:09:58,940 she? Stuff her. 164 00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:00,860 You'd have to buy her dinner first. 165 00:10:02,860 --> 00:10:04,820 Look, I mean this. 166 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:06,720 What about it? 167 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:08,280 It's a message from your bubble car. 168 00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:09,600 I can read. 169 00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:10,700 So? So... 170 00:10:11,290 --> 00:10:13,210 Have you got anything I can write a letter to Sharon on? 171 00:10:13,490 --> 00:10:14,490 Hmm. 172 00:10:48,490 --> 00:10:49,490 You killed me. 173 00:10:49,830 --> 00:10:52,650 You've completely ruined a £600 suit. 174 00:10:53,090 --> 00:10:54,230 Marcus, I'm sorry. 175 00:10:54,650 --> 00:10:57,690 What are you doing home on a Tuesday night? Shouldn't you be at your modern 176 00:10:57,690 --> 00:10:58,870 creative dance or something? 177 00:10:59,110 --> 00:11:00,110 I stubbed my toe. 178 00:11:00,530 --> 00:11:02,730 Oh, look at this. 179 00:11:03,050 --> 00:11:04,050 I'm shattered. 180 00:11:04,770 --> 00:11:07,450 I'm going to go straight upstairs and have a steam shower. 181 00:11:07,890 --> 00:11:11,430 Bring me up to Edam and Cornish Wapers, would you please? 182 00:11:12,350 --> 00:11:15,210 Marcus, come into the dining room a moment. 183 00:11:15,590 --> 00:11:16,750 Why? Humour me. 184 00:11:19,450 --> 00:11:23,050 If this is another one of your surprise parties, I still haven't recovered from 185 00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:24,290 paying for the last one yet. 186 00:11:24,570 --> 00:11:25,930 Mark, don't move. 187 00:11:28,050 --> 00:11:31,230 Oh, my God! 188 00:11:31,830 --> 00:11:32,890 What have I forgotten? 189 00:11:34,870 --> 00:11:38,190 It's not your birthday or our anniversary, I know, because the alarm 190 00:11:38,190 --> 00:11:41,790 off. I just thought it would be pleasant if we sat down together like when we 191 00:11:41,790 --> 00:11:44,870 were first married and had a delicious home -cooked meal. 192 00:11:45,989 --> 00:11:47,750 You've invited your mother to live here. 193 00:11:48,310 --> 00:11:49,310 God forbid. 194 00:11:50,170 --> 00:11:52,370 You haven't smashed the new lotus? No. 195 00:11:52,910 --> 00:11:53,789 Well, then what? 196 00:11:53,790 --> 00:11:54,790 Nothing. 197 00:11:55,030 --> 00:11:57,950 It's just we hardly ever see each other. I mean, I'm always rushing out as 198 00:11:57,950 --> 00:11:58,950 you're rushing in. 199 00:11:58,990 --> 00:12:00,850 Our marriage will suffer if we aren't careful. 200 00:12:01,670 --> 00:12:03,390 Point taken. I'll be careful. 201 00:12:03,730 --> 00:12:04,730 Now I'm going to bed. 202 00:12:05,750 --> 00:12:06,750 All right. 203 00:12:06,950 --> 00:12:08,250 The food doesn't matter. 204 00:12:09,010 --> 00:12:11,490 Let's go upstairs together and have a steam shower. 205 00:12:12,490 --> 00:12:13,590 I want my cheese. 206 00:12:14,810 --> 00:12:18,130 You know what we really need is a few days away together to recharge our 207 00:12:18,130 --> 00:12:21,430 batteries, to talk, to laugh, to make love. 208 00:12:22,190 --> 00:12:24,030 Why don't we go away next weekend? 209 00:12:24,890 --> 00:12:26,550 I can't next weekend. I'm going to Milan. 210 00:12:26,890 --> 00:12:27,910 You didn't tell me. 211 00:12:28,230 --> 00:12:32,570 I did. I'm sure I did. It doesn't matter because I've got an even better idea. 212 00:12:33,370 --> 00:12:35,190 Why don't I go to Italy with you? 213 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:38,740 Then I could do some shopping while you work. You must be kidding. 214 00:12:39,140 --> 00:12:43,400 If I let you go shopping in Milan, the company will have to go into 215 00:13:06,220 --> 00:13:07,820 Chris, uh, your husband. 216 00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:10,420 Here, Jake, what do you reckon? 217 00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:12,340 Think it'll do for a second time lucky? 218 00:13:12,980 --> 00:13:14,260 It's a bit layered, isn't it? 219 00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:15,660 I intend to be. 220 00:13:17,300 --> 00:13:20,880 People up and down the land will be adjusting their contrast when Sharon's 221 00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:24,620 Weren't cheap, though. £18 .99 from Littlewood. Excuse me, please. 222 00:13:26,420 --> 00:13:28,880 Here, Daryl says you're Chris -ing a bit of bother. 223 00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:30,700 My Chris? 224 00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:33,020 No, I don't have a Chris. I used to know a Chris. 225 00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:34,380 He needs your help. 226 00:13:34,650 --> 00:13:36,030 Del says Chris is writing to you. 227 00:13:37,810 --> 00:13:38,910 I'll read it, shall I? 228 00:13:39,570 --> 00:13:40,570 You must. 229 00:13:40,610 --> 00:13:41,610 I know what it's this. 230 00:13:42,130 --> 00:13:44,890 Please come and see me. Please come and see me. 231 00:13:45,510 --> 00:13:46,850 My darling Sharon. 232 00:13:47,170 --> 00:13:48,170 He's after something. 233 00:13:49,310 --> 00:13:50,790 I don't want to bother you. 234 00:13:51,030 --> 00:13:53,810 Lawyer. But I've been having some money problems lately. 235 00:13:54,230 --> 00:13:55,089 Don't worry. 236 00:13:55,090 --> 00:13:58,850 I won't. Because I've just found out a way to sort it all out with your help. 237 00:13:59,770 --> 00:14:01,930 Needing my help is the weak link in this plan. 238 00:14:02,250 --> 00:14:03,870 How can you be so heartless? 239 00:14:05,420 --> 00:14:09,540 God, I hope it's not Dorian. I know. She's been so depressing, this little 240 00:14:09,540 --> 00:14:11,180 that... Well, answer it, then. 241 00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:12,900 No, you can't wait a minute. 242 00:14:13,300 --> 00:14:14,059 Grunt! Grunt! 243 00:14:14,060 --> 00:14:15,060 Grunt! 244 00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:16,320 Grunt! 245 00:14:16,460 --> 00:14:17,460 Grunt! Grunt! Grunt! Grunt! 246 00:14:17,500 --> 00:14:18,500 Grunt! Grunt! Grunt! Grunt! Grunt! Grunt! Grunt! Grunt! 247 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:20,339 Grunt! Grunt! Grunt! 248 00:14:20,340 --> 00:14:21,279 Grunt! Grunt! Grunt! 249 00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:21,839 Grunt! Grunt! Grunt! Grunt! 250 00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:23,120 Grunt! Grunt! Grunt! Grunt! Grunt! Grunt! Grunt! Grunt! Grunt! Grunt! 251 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:23,120 Grunt! Grunt! Grunt! Grunt! Grunt! Grunt! Grunt! Grunt! Grunt! Grunt! 252 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:23,699 Grunt! Grunt! 253 00:14:23,700 --> 00:14:24,700 Grunt! Grunt! 254 00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:26,080 Grunt! Grunt! 255 00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:27,320 Grunt! Grunt! 256 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,520 Grunt! Grunt! Grunt! Grunt! 257 00:14:30,940 --> 00:14:34,920 Grunt! If he don't cough up what he owes our boys, you'll be a widow first. 258 00:14:35,260 --> 00:14:37,380 Oh, I thought you'd come with bad news. 259 00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:39,180 That's it, that's so. 260 00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:40,980 It's shut. It's shut? 261 00:14:41,460 --> 00:14:42,940 Well, what do you want? 262 00:14:43,660 --> 00:14:49,220 Er... She in Portsmouth, Aspen, owes my boys three grand in poker debts. 263 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:50,520 Get out! 264 00:14:55,360 --> 00:15:00,630 If he don't cough up... My boys will do to him what last year's drought did to 265 00:15:00,630 --> 00:15:01,630 the people of Kent. 266 00:15:01,690 --> 00:15:02,690 Eh? 267 00:15:03,330 --> 00:15:04,670 Cut off his water. 268 00:15:07,570 --> 00:15:09,010 And then we'll be round. 269 00:15:09,850 --> 00:15:14,450 Either to collect the money or internal organs to the same value. 270 00:15:16,090 --> 00:15:17,069 It's all right. 271 00:15:17,070 --> 00:15:18,150 It's all right, don't worry. 272 00:15:18,450 --> 00:15:19,450 We ain't worrying. 273 00:15:19,690 --> 00:15:21,150 It's you that should be worried. 274 00:15:22,010 --> 00:15:23,790 Look, I've just had a letter from Chris. 275 00:15:24,190 --> 00:15:26,910 He says he's got everything under control. I can't see him tomorrow. 276 00:15:27,420 --> 00:15:30,480 I'll get your money sorted out then. I swear on my Chrissie's life. 277 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:33,700 Good. Because I'm not a patient woman. 278 00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:36,460 Rebbit, welcome. 279 00:16:07,340 --> 00:16:08,340 I said I was sorry. 280 00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:14,740 Sorry? The Gravesend ladies' tag team smashes down Tracy's front door and 281 00:16:14,740 --> 00:16:17,320 sorry? She's still shaking, Queen. 282 00:16:17,700 --> 00:16:19,260 Yeah, but I didn't know, did I? 283 00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:23,100 Anyway, like I said in my letter, I've got it all sacked. 284 00:16:23,740 --> 00:16:25,860 Go on, Einstein. Lay it on me. 285 00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:27,600 Look. 286 00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:28,800 Oh! 287 00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:33,280 You know, I was in the army in Germany before we met. 288 00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:34,940 Till they chucked you out. 289 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:37,500 They did not chuck me out. 290 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:41,680 The army psychiatrist just said my driving style was a little bit too 291 00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:43,480 for taints and recommended minicabbing. 292 00:16:44,380 --> 00:16:45,440 All right, so? 293 00:16:45,860 --> 00:16:51,080 So, while I was there, I got into this poker school in this little farming 294 00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:52,720 village right on the outskirts of East Berlin. 295 00:16:53,300 --> 00:16:55,140 Because soldiers were allowed across the wall. 296 00:16:56,180 --> 00:16:59,720 And? And I won a Messerschmitt. 297 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:08,040 Telling me you're the proud owner of a German war plane and we can bomb the 298 00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:09,040 McCarthy bitches. 299 00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:14,819 No. A Messerschmitt bubble card donk brain. 300 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:17,760 They're collector's items now. 301 00:17:18,380 --> 00:17:20,980 One of them went for ten grand a couple of months ago. 302 00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:22,680 Yeah? 303 00:17:23,579 --> 00:17:24,579 Twizzlers can't have it. 304 00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:26,760 Still in East Germany, innit? 305 00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:30,680 Well, no way would the commies let me bring it back to the West. 306 00:17:31,260 --> 00:17:33,440 The old crap farmer I won it off said... 307 00:17:33,900 --> 00:17:36,240 He'd look after it for me till the Berlin Wall came down. 308 00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:39,900 Well, I thought, fat chance of that. 309 00:17:41,420 --> 00:17:45,440 But now Galby's done the business, all you've got to do is go to East Berlin, 310 00:17:45,660 --> 00:17:49,920 find the car, bring it back, do it up, flog it, dos, dos, dos, loads of money. 311 00:17:50,900 --> 00:17:51,980 Is that all, is it? 312 00:17:52,620 --> 00:17:53,620 What's in it for me? 313 00:17:53,860 --> 00:17:56,400 Well, keep the McCarthy's off your back. 314 00:17:57,340 --> 00:17:58,340 That's not enough. 315 00:17:59,220 --> 00:18:00,600 Yeah. All right. 316 00:18:01,420 --> 00:18:04,120 I'll let you keep half the profits after I pay off the McCarthy's. 317 00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:05,760 No. 318 00:18:06,180 --> 00:18:08,100 Half what it's worth before you pay them. 319 00:18:09,060 --> 00:18:10,300 You're a bloodsucker. 320 00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:13,120 Yeah, all right. 321 00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:18,000 So, where do I get this car, then? Well, the papers are in the safety deposit 322 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:19,000 box. 323 00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:22,060 You've got a safety deposit box? 324 00:18:22,420 --> 00:18:24,000 Who are you trying to accuse? 325 00:18:24,660 --> 00:18:26,860 Well, actually, it's an old cream cracker tin. 326 00:18:28,910 --> 00:18:31,890 Cost us a greengrocer. He's looking after it for me in his lock -up down 327 00:18:31,890 --> 00:18:35,770 Tottenham. And does this secret box contain enough money for my fare? 328 00:18:36,430 --> 00:18:38,690 Well, your sister can give you it down Tottenham, can't she? 329 00:18:40,250 --> 00:18:42,390 Get that Germany bucket, Ed! 330 00:18:43,430 --> 00:18:45,190 Not to mention hotel expenses. 331 00:18:45,730 --> 00:18:50,130 Food, drink, postcard, souvenirs. Well, like I said, I've got it all stuffed. 332 00:18:50,850 --> 00:18:51,930 I can't wait. 333 00:18:53,070 --> 00:18:57,580 All you've got to do... is win second time lucky pick berlin for your free 334 00:18:57,580 --> 00:19:04,020 and you're off to the races well they don't win oh i've got no worries on that 335 00:19:04,020 --> 00:19:09,600 score your personality is sweet aboard do you reckon yeah 336 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:13,080 that's always a mouthiest cow with the leery stress 337 00:19:27,660 --> 00:19:30,420 The climax of tonight's show, the love trial. 338 00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:35,500 Sharon, Lorraine, Greg and Barry, you nervous? 339 00:19:35,980 --> 00:19:39,080 Well, don't be. We're just here to have a bit of fun. 340 00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:40,280 I'm not. 341 00:19:40,460 --> 00:19:42,780 I'm here to find true love and happiness. 342 00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:52,640 Right, well, it's ladies first this week. So, girls, imagine this, OK? 343 00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:54,900 You've been married for a couple of years. 344 00:19:55,340 --> 00:19:59,140 and the first flush of passion is fading away like the last rose of summer. In 345 00:19:59,140 --> 00:20:03,140 fact, if you don't put some spice back in your marriage, you could end up on 346 00:20:03,140 --> 00:20:04,140 third time lucky. 347 00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:10,360 So, do you, and this is very serious, do you, A, climb into his bath and massage 348 00:20:10,360 --> 00:20:12,440 him all over with perfumed body balm? 349 00:20:12,860 --> 00:20:13,860 Woo! 350 00:20:16,700 --> 00:20:21,160 B, take all your clothes off while he's driving and persuade him to make love to 351 00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:23,960 you in a lay -by while juggernauts thunder past? 352 00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:25,400 Woo! 353 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:31,760 Video yourself doing an erotic striptease. Wait until he settles down 354 00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:32,880 sofa to watch the snooker. 355 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,960 Sneakily turn on the video and see if he can go in off the cushion. 356 00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:42,420 Lorraine. Hard one. 357 00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:44,780 I'd say B, Leslie. 358 00:20:45,580 --> 00:20:48,680 Okay, Lorraine says B. What do you say, Sharon? 359 00:20:49,940 --> 00:20:51,200 Why not all three, Liz? 360 00:21:02,990 --> 00:21:03,889 How could you lose? 361 00:21:03,890 --> 00:21:05,970 It was six points clear. I can't believe it. 362 00:21:06,250 --> 00:21:09,850 It's all rigged, isn't it? I didn't stand a chance, did I? 363 00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:13,030 I mean, look at her and then look at me. 364 00:21:14,330 --> 00:21:16,290 They want glamour, not reality. 365 00:21:16,650 --> 00:21:18,250 Then how comes laughing boy won? 366 00:21:18,530 --> 00:21:20,430 He's as doggy as yesterday's cornflakes. 367 00:21:22,810 --> 00:21:24,850 Leslie's not interested in fellas, is he? 368 00:21:25,250 --> 00:21:28,230 Do you see the way he looked at her chest when he said, come on, Lorraine, 369 00:21:28,390 --> 00:21:29,810 you're only two points behind. 370 00:21:31,950 --> 00:21:32,950 I'd like Sharon. 371 00:21:33,430 --> 00:21:38,250 Yeah. Mind you, I can't say I'm looking forward to spending a week away with 372 00:21:38,250 --> 00:21:39,250 Barry. 373 00:21:40,030 --> 00:21:41,670 Why couldn't Greg have won? 374 00:21:42,410 --> 00:21:45,050 Because he's as thick as a McDonald's milkshake. 375 00:21:46,070 --> 00:21:50,070 He only got through to the last round because when he said Luciano Pavarotti 376 00:21:50,070 --> 00:21:52,390 played for Real Madrid, everyone thought he was cracking a joke. 377 00:21:54,170 --> 00:21:55,970 Why? Who does he play for? 378 00:21:59,270 --> 00:22:00,870 Still, winning don't matter. 379 00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:02,480 So long as you're seen. 380 00:22:03,180 --> 00:22:04,620 Of course you'll be seen. 381 00:22:05,180 --> 00:22:06,560 It ain't radio, is it? 382 00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:07,800 No, I mean seen. 383 00:22:08,580 --> 00:22:11,120 By agents, bookers, theatre management. 384 00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:14,800 This show is watched by 13 million people. 385 00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:18,360 Well, my manager reckons we'll be inundated with offers. 386 00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:20,320 Offers of what? 387 00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:21,640 Don't ask. 388 00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:22,960 No. 389 00:22:23,500 --> 00:22:25,880 Pantos, trade shows, telejobs, modelling. 390 00:22:26,740 --> 00:22:30,340 I'm not averse to taking me top off, if it's artistically necessary. 391 00:22:32,419 --> 00:22:34,200 No. Who'd have thought it, Trace? 392 00:22:35,100 --> 00:22:37,280 You could knock me down with a forklift truck. 393 00:22:39,540 --> 00:22:41,540 I think I'll just go and phone me mum. 394 00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:44,600 I think that Lorraine's avoiding me. 395 00:22:44,860 --> 00:22:46,240 Nah, it's just your imagination. 396 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:48,360 He ain't got an imagination. 397 00:22:50,420 --> 00:22:53,520 Actually, Barry, we've just found out that Lorraine's a pro. 398 00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:55,900 Or an enthusiastic amateur, at least. 399 00:22:56,620 --> 00:22:59,980 Hard luck, Sharon. I thought you had it sewn up. 400 00:23:02,360 --> 00:23:04,800 Still, Sharon didn't really stand a chance, did she? 401 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:06,760 Not against a seasoned professional. 402 00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:08,960 A what? 403 00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:11,060 I thought this show was for your ordinary people. 404 00:23:11,260 --> 00:23:13,760 I mean, Lorraine's got an agent, a manager, the lot. 405 00:23:14,460 --> 00:23:17,440 You know, I reckon we could make a few bub out of this trace. 406 00:23:19,780 --> 00:23:21,680 If we leaked it to the sun. 407 00:23:24,340 --> 00:23:27,000 Um, don't do anything hasty, Sharon. 408 00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:29,240 I'm sure we can fix something up. 409 00:23:29,980 --> 00:23:31,220 Excuse me just a minute, would you? 410 00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:36,640 David, we're going to have to reshoot the end of the show. I told you, didn't 411 00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:42,280 Lorraine! I was wondering... 412 00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:49,220 And then they reshot 413 00:23:49,220 --> 00:23:52,160 the whole thing in an empty studio. You're truly the winner. 414 00:23:52,380 --> 00:23:53,380 How about that, then? 415 00:23:53,420 --> 00:23:55,960 Well, I'm very pleased for you, but why Berlin? 416 00:23:56,980 --> 00:23:59,620 What's wrong with Berlin? Well, for a dart, it's full of Germans. 417 00:24:01,660 --> 00:24:03,460 I just made it through Berlin, all right? 418 00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:05,280 Here we are. 419 00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:08,220 You don't mind watering the plants while we're gone, do you, Dorian? 420 00:24:08,540 --> 00:24:09,540 Where are you going? 421 00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:11,200 To Berlin with Sharon, of course. 422 00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:15,920 She's my chaperone, isn't she? A chaperone? I thought the whole point of 423 00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:17,740 show was to get the winners together, not keep them apart. 424 00:24:18,460 --> 00:24:20,020 Well, I said I wouldn't go without her. 425 00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:23,000 And if you saw Barry, you'd want a chaperone and all. 426 00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:25,500 Why, he'd be really horny. 427 00:24:28,700 --> 00:24:32,180 The only horny thing about Barry is the buttons on his duffel coat. 428 00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:36,920 So you don't think second time lucky is going to lead to true love? 429 00:24:37,260 --> 00:24:38,280 No, not with Barry. 430 00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:40,240 I want a bloke, not a joke. 431 00:24:41,340 --> 00:24:43,840 How about you, Dorian? Me? Yeah, you. 432 00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:48,260 Managed to recapture your lost youth, have you? No, I have washed my hands of 433 00:24:48,260 --> 00:24:49,500 Luke. Not Luke. 434 00:24:49,740 --> 00:24:50,739 I mean, Marcus. 435 00:24:50,740 --> 00:24:51,619 How's it going? 436 00:24:51,620 --> 00:24:54,160 Oh, it's going quite well, actually. He phones me every night. 437 00:24:56,649 --> 00:24:59,430 No, he's away on business again. 438 00:25:00,330 --> 00:25:01,910 Sure ain't funny business. 439 00:25:02,370 --> 00:25:07,210 Marcus, if his sex drive was the norm, the human race would be extinct. 440 00:25:28,350 --> 00:25:29,350 What? 441 00:25:29,690 --> 00:25:31,090 I could be here at Nicklebolt. 442 00:25:32,090 --> 00:25:33,090 It's Marcus. 443 00:25:33,910 --> 00:25:34,910 With a bird. 444 00:25:35,570 --> 00:25:38,010 Remember when Dorian said he was going away on business? 445 00:25:38,310 --> 00:25:39,870 I said funny business, didn't I? 446 00:25:40,250 --> 00:25:41,610 You shouldn't jump to conclusions. 447 00:25:42,670 --> 00:25:43,670 No. 448 00:25:44,950 --> 00:25:46,270 Reckon he's knocking her off, then? 449 00:25:47,690 --> 00:25:50,410 Sharon. Look how pretty we're made. 450 00:25:51,110 --> 00:25:52,110 What do you think? 451 00:25:53,290 --> 00:25:55,010 Oh, my God, they're coming out. 452 00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:16,240 Sharon! Tracy! 453 00:26:17,540 --> 00:26:20,560 Fancy seeing... What are you... Dorian? 454 00:26:21,120 --> 00:26:22,120 No. 455 00:26:23,260 --> 00:26:26,520 This is... Lucinda. 456 00:26:26,780 --> 00:26:30,860 That's right, this is Lucinda. She's my... Legal advisor. 457 00:26:31,180 --> 00:26:32,180 She's my legal advisor. 458 00:26:32,360 --> 00:26:36,940 We just got back from Italy. We were buying Dorian a little present, and 459 00:26:36,940 --> 00:26:37,940 helped me choose. 460 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:39,060 They're the same size. 461 00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:40,620 Oh, plucky. 462 00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:42,740 Well, we might dash. 463 00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:44,000 We're off to Berlin. 464 00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:45,159 Oh, really? 465 00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:46,800 Why? For a bit of naughty. 466 00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:49,060 Why else do people go abroad? 467 00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:14,200 All I'm saying is, if you want to be a marriage wrecker, tell Dawn. 468 00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:18,940 We should keep Stum and just let Marcus get away with it, do you? With what? 469 00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:20,960 All he's charged with is that I'm a fool. 470 00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:24,460 He did come out and pick the box with a pretty girl on his arm and a silly 471 00:27:24,460 --> 00:27:25,460 expression on his face. 472 00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:28,360 It's just like Chris. 473 00:27:28,780 --> 00:27:31,680 Likes to put it about a bit and then scuttles on to the little woman. 474 00:27:32,300 --> 00:27:34,120 But what if she walks out on him? 475 00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:35,440 So's it right? 476 00:27:36,260 --> 00:27:38,320 You're so keen on marital honesty. 477 00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:42,200 How come you never graphed Dorian up to Marcus? That's different. 478 00:27:42,580 --> 00:27:43,580 She's a woman. 479 00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:46,760 He's a man. 480 00:27:47,060 --> 00:27:48,360 The enemy within. 481 00:27:48,840 --> 00:27:50,420 Then you send her in this instance. 482 00:27:57,480 --> 00:27:58,480 Lovely. 483 00:27:59,180 --> 00:28:00,180 Beautiful. 484 00:28:02,100 --> 00:28:03,100 Thank you, son. 485 00:28:03,220 --> 00:28:04,039 Thank you. 486 00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:06,100 Oh, he speaks English. He speaks English, Sam. 487 00:28:06,300 --> 00:28:07,680 Have a look. Try champagne. 488 00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:09,820 And a chandelier. 489 00:28:10,380 --> 00:28:11,880 Take a month to clean it. 490 00:28:18,990 --> 00:28:19,990 There's only one bed. 491 00:28:20,690 --> 00:28:24,510 So? It's big enough for you and me, isn't it? That's not the point. 492 00:28:24,930 --> 00:28:30,210 No, the point is that I'm here for a romantic getting -to -know -you holiday. 493 00:28:30,810 --> 00:28:36,970 And this luxurious king -size bed is the intended arena for the climax of the 494 00:28:36,970 --> 00:28:38,390 getting -to -know -you process. 495 00:28:38,890 --> 00:28:39,890 What do you reckon? 496 00:28:40,190 --> 00:28:41,190 Of course. 497 00:28:42,370 --> 00:28:44,370 It's the secret of second time lucky. 498 00:28:44,950 --> 00:28:47,030 People only watch it till you get to drunk. 499 00:28:51,679 --> 00:28:52,679 Room 1129. 500 00:28:54,740 --> 00:28:56,640 Dorian? It's Dorian. 501 00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:58,280 He told us. 502 00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:02,000 He says that we grassed him up so he tries to get in first with our feeble 503 00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:04,320 excuse. Give it to me, I'll put her right. No way. 504 00:29:05,860 --> 00:29:06,900 I'm sorry, Dor. 505 00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:09,680 Just Sharon rabbiting on as per usual. 506 00:29:10,740 --> 00:29:12,420 So, how's Chigwell? 507 00:29:13,060 --> 00:29:14,400 Chigwell is fantastic. 508 00:29:15,780 --> 00:29:18,360 Marcus got back from Elam this afternoon. He was an animal. 509 00:29:19,020 --> 00:29:22,020 He must have been inspired by those gigantic pepper mills the Italians were 510 00:29:22,020 --> 00:29:23,020 always grinding over. 511 00:29:24,140 --> 00:29:25,980 And you'll never guess what he brought me back. 512 00:29:26,360 --> 00:29:27,360 Naughty knickers? 513 00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:29,800 Sharon, how did you guess? 514 00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:32,860 Sharon, you get off that phone, you. 515 00:29:33,140 --> 00:29:34,079 No. 516 00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:35,360 It wasn't a guest door. 517 00:29:35,980 --> 00:29:37,940 We bumped into Marcus at the airport. 518 00:29:38,340 --> 00:29:39,340 Did any say? 519 00:29:40,060 --> 00:29:41,740 No, he didn't mention it. 520 00:29:43,820 --> 00:29:44,820 Ah! 521 00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:46,640 Say no more, honest. 522 00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:48,200 Hello, darling. 523 00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:49,479 Miss me? 524 00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:50,480 Sharon? 525 00:29:50,860 --> 00:29:51,860 Tracy? 526 00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:56,280 Hello, door. 527 00:29:56,900 --> 00:29:57,900 I've just remembered. 528 00:29:58,220 --> 00:30:00,780 We did see Marcus as he was going along the passport control. 529 00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:03,800 You didn't tell me you saw the girls at the airport. 530 00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:07,940 I have more important things to tell you, like how I missed you, how I love 531 00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:09,120 Get off. 532 00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:13,000 Yeah, actually, he was picking out your present in knickerbox. 533 00:30:13,900 --> 00:30:14,900 Knickerbox? 534 00:30:15,860 --> 00:30:19,480 You told me you searched high and low for the sex... lingerie in Milan. 535 00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:21,700 He bought them at the airport. 536 00:30:22,260 --> 00:30:24,000 They took a long time about choosing. 537 00:30:25,740 --> 00:30:26,740 What? 538 00:30:28,220 --> 00:30:30,060 No, he was with his legal advisor. 539 00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:32,140 His legal advisor? 540 00:30:34,300 --> 00:30:37,200 Jeff Sims helped you pick out my knickers? 541 00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:42,000 Describe this legal advisor to me. 542 00:30:42,560 --> 00:30:44,100 I didn't really notice her. 543 00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:46,600 Dorian? 544 00:30:51,530 --> 00:30:52,830 I hope you're satisfied. 545 00:30:53,670 --> 00:30:56,490 You marriage wrecker. 546 00:31:06,370 --> 00:31:08,250 Dorian, where are you going? 547 00:31:08,630 --> 00:31:09,910 It's none of your business. 548 00:31:10,290 --> 00:31:11,310 To your mother's? 549 00:31:11,630 --> 00:31:13,470 You don't think I've got enough problems? 550 00:31:15,410 --> 00:31:18,770 And you will be hearing from my legal advisor. 551 00:31:40,750 --> 00:31:46,430 But the most important thing, Sharon, Barry, is to try to be as relaxed as 552 00:31:46,430 --> 00:31:50,410 possible. I mean, forget about the crew, forget that we're filming it. Just let 553 00:31:50,410 --> 00:31:51,410 it all hang out, OK? 554 00:31:52,010 --> 00:31:55,030 The viewers will love it when people might plonk with themselves on 555 00:31:55,330 --> 00:31:58,730 OK. The first stop tomorrow is the Charlottenburg Palace. 556 00:31:58,930 --> 00:32:03,330 Now, that's a very big palace in the centre of Berlin. Built by Frederick III 557 00:32:03,330 --> 00:32:06,830 1695, his queen, Sophie Charlotte, wasn't it, Andrew? 558 00:32:09,870 --> 00:32:13,910 Okay, and then we're going on to the Olympic Stadium, completed for Hitler's 559 00:32:13,910 --> 00:32:16,010 infamous 1936 Berlin Olympics. 560 00:32:17,650 --> 00:32:19,470 Just a little bit of homework, that's all. 561 00:32:35,190 --> 00:32:36,690 Again, very good. 562 00:32:40,230 --> 00:32:41,670 How may I help you? 563 00:32:41,950 --> 00:32:45,490 Well, this is probably a stupid question, but I'm looking for someone 564 00:32:45,490 --> 00:32:47,690 anything about old Messerschmitt bubble cards. 565 00:32:48,850 --> 00:32:49,850 Messerschmitt cards? 566 00:32:50,590 --> 00:32:52,790 Yeah, I'm sorry. I know you wouldn't. 567 00:32:53,450 --> 00:32:55,770 Yeah, the Messerschmitt engineer needs Berlin. 568 00:32:55,990 --> 00:32:58,270 Would you like me to phone him for you? 569 00:32:58,510 --> 00:32:59,510 Oh, yes, please. 570 00:33:01,290 --> 00:33:03,190 He only knows how we won the war. 571 00:33:03,410 --> 00:33:04,610 I don't think you did. 572 00:33:43,139 --> 00:33:44,139 Oh, Sanssouci. 573 00:33:45,140 --> 00:33:46,800 That's French for pancake, isn't it? 574 00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:48,700 No, that's a proxy, Zed. 575 00:33:49,280 --> 00:33:52,940 Oh. You see, during the reign of Frederick the Great, they used to have 576 00:33:52,940 --> 00:33:57,200 fantastic royal dances organised by the Queen in this very palace. 577 00:33:58,260 --> 00:34:01,320 Oh, you mean this is where she held the Emperor's balls for him? 578 00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:03,480 What? 579 00:34:04,260 --> 00:34:05,260 Oh! 580 00:34:06,460 --> 00:34:09,639 You're a one -off, Sharon. Ever been to Newcastle? 581 00:34:09,880 --> 00:34:10,880 Only in the bedroom. 582 00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:22,400 Hello? Hello? 583 00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:25,080 Oh, 584 00:34:26,380 --> 00:34:29,260 I'm sorry to trouble you, but I wanted you to tell me... Why are the English 585 00:34:29,260 --> 00:34:30,260 always sorry? 586 00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:34,360 I'm sorry, but you have trodden on my foot. I'm sorry, but you have stolen my 587 00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:35,360 wallet. 588 00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:37,360 I only want some help finding a car. 589 00:34:37,639 --> 00:34:41,199 What, another Westerner who thinks it's amusing to own a Trabant? 590 00:34:41,949 --> 00:34:44,929 I'm putting a turbocharger in this one for a Hamburg Yuppie. 591 00:34:45,350 --> 00:34:48,989 When I'm finished with it, it will do 0 to 60 in less than a day. 592 00:34:49,969 --> 00:34:52,110 Oh, I'm talking about me Bradbury noise mixer schmick. 593 00:34:52,330 --> 00:34:53,330 Want some pie? 594 00:34:53,610 --> 00:34:55,610 Good. I've got some traveller's checks for me. 595 00:34:56,370 --> 00:34:57,830 I don't want your money, Mel. 596 00:34:59,110 --> 00:35:00,810 Why? What do you think you're doing? 597 00:35:01,770 --> 00:35:05,790 First I clean me, then you take me for an ice cream and tell me about it. 598 00:35:06,270 --> 00:35:07,630 What did you think I was doing? 599 00:35:08,550 --> 00:35:09,550 Nothing. 600 00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:32,720 So, Sharon, how do you find Barry? 601 00:35:33,620 --> 00:35:38,140 Well, I just have to turn around and there he is, right behind me all the 602 00:35:38,840 --> 00:35:39,840 Seriously. 603 00:35:40,180 --> 00:35:42,820 I've got to say that Barry's everything my first husband was. 604 00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:45,760 So, Barry's a potential second husband? 605 00:35:46,860 --> 00:35:50,920 Well, it's only days yet, but he's certainly the opposite of my ex. 606 00:35:51,780 --> 00:35:56,500 Barry's hard -working, knowledgeable, considerate, sober. 607 00:35:56,980 --> 00:35:57,980 What can I say? 608 00:35:59,870 --> 00:36:00,870 Okay, cut that. 609 00:36:01,990 --> 00:36:03,210 Well, that's been perfect, sir. 610 00:36:03,810 --> 00:36:05,810 Of course, you won't be my voice if you do it here. 611 00:36:06,070 --> 00:36:09,610 No, Leslie Crowther will re -voice the questions back in London, won't he, 612 00:36:09,650 --> 00:36:10,650 Andrew? 613 00:36:11,030 --> 00:36:12,030 Yes, Barry. 614 00:36:12,310 --> 00:36:13,310 Yes, he will. 615 00:36:13,370 --> 00:36:16,650 You see, you should use the Synclavier digital double computer. 616 00:36:16,990 --> 00:36:18,410 The X300, I recommend. 617 00:36:18,810 --> 00:36:21,970 You see, it's a much more advanced system of stuff you're using now. 618 00:36:22,390 --> 00:36:24,610 It's all component, you see, isn't it, Andrew? 619 00:36:24,910 --> 00:36:25,910 Do you know, Barry? 620 00:36:26,650 --> 00:36:31,430 We've never had a tragic accident on one of these jobs, but it could be just the 621 00:36:31,430 --> 00:36:32,550 thing to boost the ratings. 622 00:36:38,650 --> 00:36:39,650 What did I say? 623 00:36:40,790 --> 00:36:44,490 Barry, what does the word pillock convey to you? 624 00:36:49,450 --> 00:36:53,330 So if we can find the car, get it done up and flog it, Chris will be able to 625 00:36:53,330 --> 00:36:54,330 off his gambling debt. 626 00:36:54,350 --> 00:36:55,450 The farm still exists. 627 00:36:56,060 --> 00:36:57,060 What do you mean? 628 00:36:57,220 --> 00:36:59,660 There's been a lot of building in Martha since 1975. 629 00:37:05,140 --> 00:37:06,600 Can you come back after work? 630 00:37:08,980 --> 00:37:09,980 I'm not sure. 631 00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:11,520 Don't you trust me? 632 00:37:11,900 --> 00:37:12,900 I don't know you. 633 00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:14,660 That's not what I asked. 634 00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:33,560 Do you know that the alpaca's closest relation is the cobbler? 635 00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:35,440 Well, it's dead side or it's mum. 636 00:37:37,380 --> 00:37:39,060 Well, how did you get on? Did you find it? 637 00:37:39,260 --> 00:37:40,260 Do me a favour. 638 00:37:40,420 --> 00:37:41,720 I've met a man who can, though. 639 00:37:42,020 --> 00:37:43,660 Who? His name's Manfred. 640 00:37:43,860 --> 00:37:44,860 He wants to meet you later. 641 00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:47,560 Great! Not tonight, child pet. 642 00:37:47,840 --> 00:37:51,080 We've got the Reichstag Museum and the Emperor Frederick Memorial Church 643 00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:54,780 tonight. We've got these fantastic stained glass windows. Put a sock in it, 644 00:37:54,780 --> 00:37:55,780 you, Barry? 645 00:38:01,230 --> 00:38:03,190 If you can't come, I don't mind going on my own. 646 00:38:03,810 --> 00:38:04,810 OK. 647 00:38:07,330 --> 00:38:11,830 This Manfred, he wouldn't happen to be a bit of a hunk, would he? 648 00:38:12,270 --> 00:38:13,610 It's not got to do with anything. 649 00:38:14,290 --> 00:38:16,310 Anyway, I don't really know this. 650 00:38:17,050 --> 00:38:20,690 It don't matter anyhow, because I'm coming with you one way or another. 651 00:38:21,850 --> 00:38:23,570 Sharon, can we have you now, please? 652 00:38:24,210 --> 00:38:25,590 We want to do a sequence with the monkey. 653 00:38:26,910 --> 00:38:28,570 Larry, I want you to do a sequence. 654 00:38:33,190 --> 00:38:34,270 OK, Sharon, here we are. 655 00:38:34,770 --> 00:38:35,770 Thomas, we all say. 656 00:38:37,250 --> 00:38:39,450 Trace, do you have one of your shawl shop? 657 00:38:39,710 --> 00:38:42,670 Yeah. Try and get a good shot of Barry and Bonsai. 658 00:38:45,150 --> 00:38:49,630 Sharon, would you like to come and cuddle the chump? 659 00:38:50,270 --> 00:38:51,270 You what? 660 00:38:51,870 --> 00:38:52,910 He's quite tame. 661 00:38:53,450 --> 00:38:54,450 Mind me, of course. 662 00:38:54,710 --> 00:38:57,450 I don't mind holding it. We're descended from animals like this. 663 00:38:57,750 --> 00:39:00,530 And in your case, there's a distinct family resemblance. 664 00:39:02,830 --> 00:39:05,110 Okay, Thomas, are you all ready? Yes. Okay, roll tape. 665 00:39:05,950 --> 00:39:08,150 Barry, could you take the chimp? 666 00:39:08,370 --> 00:39:09,790 Right. Where's the chimp? 667 00:39:10,470 --> 00:39:11,470 Ah! 668 00:39:11,950 --> 00:39:13,650 Ah! Ah! Ah! 669 00:39:13,910 --> 00:39:14,910 Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! 670 00:39:15,170 --> 00:39:15,828 Ah! Ah! Ah! 671 00:39:15,830 --> 00:39:16,830 Ah! 672 00:39:17,470 --> 00:39:18,910 Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! 673 00:39:19,250 --> 00:39:20,250 Ah! 674 00:39:21,330 --> 00:39:22,970 Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! 675 00:39:23,570 --> 00:39:25,110 Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! 676 00:39:25,890 --> 00:39:28,070 Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Well, I suppose we'll have 677 00:39:28,070 --> 00:39:29,490 to cancel the rest of today's schedule. 678 00:39:29,950 --> 00:39:30,950 Sorry, Andrew. 679 00:39:34,259 --> 00:39:35,860 And Marcus is distraught. 680 00:39:36,380 --> 00:39:39,680 He's on the phone to me every ten minutes to see if I've heard from you. 681 00:39:39,680 --> 00:39:41,880 suffer. You know what this is all about, don't you? 682 00:39:42,160 --> 00:39:44,520 It's because you've never had children. Mummy, please. 683 00:39:44,740 --> 00:39:48,980 Children make you think twice before you walk out on a husband. I walked out on 684 00:39:48,980 --> 00:39:52,920 him because he went to Milan with a floozy. But why did he? Why do you think 685 00:39:52,920 --> 00:39:54,400 man takes a tart on a business trip? 686 00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:59,120 I mean, what was there in Milan that he can't get in Chigwell? Nothing. 687 00:39:59,340 --> 00:40:01,480 Not now the fresh pasta shop's opened on the parade. 688 00:40:02,520 --> 00:40:05,660 Don't try to be clever with me, Dorian. I'm your mother. I know you better than 689 00:40:05,660 --> 00:40:06,660 you know yourself. 690 00:40:07,080 --> 00:40:08,540 I'm talking about the sex. 691 00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:10,460 Mummy, please. 692 00:40:11,180 --> 00:40:14,540 Men have physical needs that have to be assuaged. 693 00:40:15,480 --> 00:40:19,080 Your father's physical needs, unfortunately, were mainly for fried 694 00:40:20,120 --> 00:40:24,940 Mummy, there is nothing wrong with the sexual pride, believe me. I don't 695 00:40:24,940 --> 00:40:27,310 you. If there were nothing wrong, I'd be a grandmother. 696 00:40:28,310 --> 00:40:29,310 I blame myself. 697 00:40:30,090 --> 00:40:33,470 I brought you up to respect your body, and now you're frigid. 698 00:40:36,310 --> 00:40:37,470 I am not. 699 00:40:38,290 --> 00:40:40,270 All right, future self, don't say that. 700 00:40:41,330 --> 00:40:45,390 Look, you want my advice? Go back to him and sort things out. I can't do that. 701 00:40:45,630 --> 00:40:48,990 Then phone your cousin Jonathan and institute divorce proceedings. I can't 702 00:40:48,990 --> 00:40:51,930 that. But, Doreen, you have to do something. You can't stay in your 703 00:40:51,930 --> 00:40:52,930 house forever. 704 00:40:53,090 --> 00:40:54,370 When are they home? Friday. 705 00:40:55,270 --> 00:40:58,270 They will have four days to make your mind up. Well, can't I come and stay 706 00:40:58,270 --> 00:40:59,270 you when they come back? 707 00:40:59,830 --> 00:41:01,270 Not really, darling. Why not? 708 00:41:02,070 --> 00:41:04,590 Because I have my own life to lead. 709 00:41:05,610 --> 00:41:08,070 What do you mean, your own life? You're my mother. 710 00:41:17,850 --> 00:41:19,030 Bit bleak, innit? 711 00:41:19,990 --> 00:41:20,990 Well, we'll top them. 712 00:41:32,710 --> 00:41:33,890 The view's just improved. 713 00:41:34,370 --> 00:41:35,370 Manfred! 714 00:41:36,390 --> 00:41:38,770 Hello. Hey, you must be Sharon. 715 00:41:40,370 --> 00:41:42,370 I can go back on my own. 716 00:42:23,240 --> 00:42:30,120 This is your farming village Tracy people here you 717 00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:30,540 never know 718 00:42:30,540 --> 00:42:46,900 Welcome 719 00:42:46,900 --> 00:42:47,940 to stream fellows trust 720 00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:06,140 I understand you are looking for my father. 721 00:43:12,580 --> 00:43:16,720 I must warn you, but my father may not part with the car so easily. 722 00:43:17,140 --> 00:43:17,899 Why not? 723 00:43:17,900 --> 00:43:18,578 It's ours. 724 00:43:18,580 --> 00:43:19,760 Yes, but he uses it. 725 00:43:20,060 --> 00:43:23,320 What, he drives around in it? No, he keeps the chicken thinning. 726 00:43:25,640 --> 00:43:28,960 So, we'll give him a few quid and he can build a proper hen house. 727 00:43:29,740 --> 00:43:34,670 Maybe. But I must warn you, he is a very dubious old peasant. 728 00:43:34,970 --> 00:43:36,470 Doesn't sound like you like him a lot. 729 00:43:36,810 --> 00:43:42,110 He used to be a Nazi. Then he became a communist, and now he's a Christian 730 00:43:42,110 --> 00:43:45,770 Democrat. What am I supposed to like? His consistency? 731 00:44:10,160 --> 00:44:11,480 A Messerschmitt tiger? 732 00:44:12,780 --> 00:44:15,020 You didn't say it was a Messerschmitt tiger. 733 00:44:15,740 --> 00:44:16,800 It's very rare. 734 00:44:17,300 --> 00:44:18,300 Shut up, Manfred. 735 00:44:18,720 --> 00:44:20,520 Look at the state of it, though. 736 00:44:21,180 --> 00:44:23,140 Yes, it's covered in Messerschmitt. 737 00:44:24,200 --> 00:44:25,800 Well, can't you help us or what? 738 00:44:26,060 --> 00:44:27,320 It would be a big job. 739 00:44:27,740 --> 00:44:28,740 But you can. 740 00:44:29,420 --> 00:44:30,960 For you, nothing's too big. 741 00:44:39,350 --> 00:44:40,390 What's that? 742 00:44:40,930 --> 00:44:43,590 The old man says he wants 15 ,000 marks. 743 00:44:44,650 --> 00:44:45,650 What? 744 00:44:46,130 --> 00:44:47,630 5 ,000 pounds? 745 00:44:50,590 --> 00:44:51,110 He 746 00:44:51,110 --> 00:44:59,830 says 747 00:44:59,830 --> 00:45:02,810 he knew this car so it was a lot of money in the West. 748 00:45:03,190 --> 00:45:04,890 We haven't got that sort of money. 749 00:45:05,710 --> 00:45:09,610 Pass mal auf, mein Lieber. Wenn du diese Karre jetzt nicht rausrückst, dann 750 00:45:09,610 --> 00:45:13,510 werde ich jedem hier erzählen, dass du ein Stasi -Informant gewesen bist. 751 00:45:13,870 --> 00:45:15,070 Du Schwein. 752 00:45:15,370 --> 00:45:17,990 What was going on? 753 00:45:18,210 --> 00:45:23,790 I told him that if he kept the car, I would tell everybody he used to be a 754 00:45:23,790 --> 00:45:25,350 secret police informer. 755 00:45:26,750 --> 00:45:28,270 You'd shop your own days? 756 00:45:28,590 --> 00:45:29,810 Of course not. 757 00:45:30,250 --> 00:45:32,070 But he can't take that risk. 758 00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:37,680 This is the man who once denounced his own brother for naming his prizepick 759 00:45:37,680 --> 00:45:38,680 Brezhnev. 760 00:45:47,620 --> 00:45:50,300 This is going to take a long time, Tracy. 761 00:45:50,560 --> 00:45:51,900 Why don't you go and find your sister? 762 00:45:52,180 --> 00:45:54,520 No. I'd rather stay and watch you. 763 00:45:54,820 --> 00:45:55,820 Okay. 764 00:45:56,420 --> 00:45:57,420 Good. 765 00:46:01,930 --> 00:46:02,930 Have you always been a mechanic? 766 00:46:03,530 --> 00:46:04,530 No. 767 00:46:04,670 --> 00:46:07,090 First, I studied modern languages at university. 768 00:46:07,550 --> 00:46:11,130 But then they took away my, er... Is that my stipendium? 769 00:46:11,350 --> 00:46:12,350 A grant. 770 00:46:12,690 --> 00:46:14,270 When I was caught breaking the law. 771 00:46:14,610 --> 00:46:15,610 What did you do? 772 00:46:15,930 --> 00:46:19,110 I was caught with a copy of 1984, which, of course, was prohibited. 773 00:46:19,710 --> 00:46:20,710 I watched that film. 774 00:46:21,090 --> 00:46:22,170 No, not the film, the book. 775 00:46:22,690 --> 00:46:23,790 Oh, it was a book and all, was it? 776 00:46:25,350 --> 00:46:27,550 It's true about the British education system. 777 00:46:28,970 --> 00:46:30,930 I didn't really pay much attention at school. 778 00:46:31,440 --> 00:46:33,240 I was far too interested in my Daryl. 779 00:46:33,760 --> 00:46:34,760 Daryl? 780 00:46:35,380 --> 00:46:36,820 Just some boy I went out with. 781 00:46:40,640 --> 00:46:42,240 Gone really quick, hasn't it? 782 00:46:45,120 --> 00:46:46,820 I've enjoyed it, though. Learned a lot. 783 00:46:49,500 --> 00:46:52,220 Even though it's a casualty department, that's very interesting now. 784 00:46:52,560 --> 00:46:54,240 Learning about the German health service. 785 00:46:58,200 --> 00:47:00,460 So, what do we do for the rest of the week, eh, Sharon? 786 00:47:01,270 --> 00:47:02,710 Three full days in Berlin. 787 00:47:03,410 --> 00:47:04,970 All of the BBC's expense. 788 00:47:05,630 --> 00:47:07,590 I've hired us a car, go anywhere we like. 789 00:47:08,910 --> 00:47:09,970 Can't they sound red? 790 00:47:10,990 --> 00:47:14,150 I'd have thought that was the last colour they'd want Berlin painted, 791 00:47:15,170 --> 00:47:18,450 Well, all right, shall we? We don't have to do that. We can go on the over 792 00:47:18,450 --> 00:47:20,730 trams. All right, shall we? 793 00:47:21,610 --> 00:47:23,450 I don't know why you're so hard on Barry. 794 00:47:24,710 --> 00:47:28,150 It's because he won that stupid game show. He actually thinks he's going to 795 00:47:28,150 --> 00:47:29,370 second time lucky with me. 796 00:47:30,379 --> 00:47:31,379 You hypocrite. 797 00:47:31,720 --> 00:47:35,040 What? You only went on that game show because you wanted a week's free Lego. 798 00:47:35,400 --> 00:47:37,620 You got the up with Barry because you don't fancy him. 799 00:47:37,980 --> 00:47:38,980 No. 800 00:47:40,080 --> 00:47:41,080 Yeah. 801 00:47:41,800 --> 00:47:45,840 Still don't stop me wanting to push him under a bus every time I set eyes on 802 00:47:45,840 --> 00:47:46,840 him. 803 00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:49,220 Anyway, what are you and me doing tonight, then? 804 00:47:51,160 --> 00:47:52,520 I'm going out for dinner with Manfred. 805 00:47:53,360 --> 00:47:54,360 Who were? 806 00:47:54,720 --> 00:47:55,980 What do you mean, who were? 807 00:47:56,460 --> 00:47:57,740 I mean, who were. 808 00:47:58,060 --> 00:47:59,380 So should I wait up or what? 809 00:47:59,740 --> 00:48:00,920 It's only dinner, Sharon. 810 00:48:01,480 --> 00:48:02,860 What's for after, though? 811 00:48:04,120 --> 00:48:06,500 Come on, Trace, I can read you like a book. 812 00:48:07,060 --> 00:48:11,300 One of them racy ones where the heroine ends up in the sack with a hunky -crank 813 00:48:11,300 --> 00:48:12,780 mechanic. Do you mind? 814 00:48:13,620 --> 00:48:14,620 All right. 815 00:48:15,160 --> 00:48:19,900 Look me in the eye and say, I don't fancy Manfred. 816 00:48:20,480 --> 00:48:22,580 I didn't say I don't fancy him. 817 00:48:23,320 --> 00:48:25,380 Don't mean I intend to do anything about it. 818 00:48:26,040 --> 00:48:28,000 Anyway, he might not fancy me. 819 00:48:28,810 --> 00:48:29,870 Why should you care? 820 00:48:30,310 --> 00:48:34,050 You're a born -again virgin, aren't you? I've still got feelings, Sharon. 821 00:48:34,670 --> 00:48:35,950 I'm not a robot, you know. 822 00:48:37,470 --> 00:48:39,750 I thought of being unfaithful to my Daryl. 823 00:48:40,110 --> 00:48:42,490 Who's talking about being unfaithful? 824 00:48:43,570 --> 00:48:46,590 Unfaithful is meeting a bloke, moving in with him and filing for divorce. 825 00:48:47,430 --> 00:48:53,250 A little bit of intimacy in a foreign country with a German national dish 826 00:48:53,250 --> 00:48:54,250 being unfaithful. 827 00:48:54,990 --> 00:48:58,780 It's just sort of giving the equipment... a bit of an overhaul. 828 00:49:00,080 --> 00:49:04,340 Otherwise you'll end up like that Messerschmitt Trace, all rusty with bits 829 00:49:04,340 --> 00:49:05,339 falling off. 830 00:49:05,340 --> 00:49:07,300 Look, Sharon, it's just dinner, all right? 831 00:49:07,580 --> 00:49:08,900 All right, all right. 832 00:49:11,020 --> 00:49:12,960 So you've told them about your husband then, have you? 833 00:49:28,880 --> 00:49:30,560 So she still lives in Dresden, your mum? 834 00:49:31,220 --> 00:49:35,880 Yes. And my sister is a doctor in Leipzig. My brother is an engineer in 835 00:49:36,360 --> 00:49:38,620 And we had a dog called Trudy, but she died. 836 00:49:39,160 --> 00:49:41,400 Is there anything else you want to know about me? 837 00:49:42,820 --> 00:49:43,820 What do you mean? 838 00:49:44,100 --> 00:49:47,760 You've asked me all about me, but the one question you haven't asked me is, am 839 00:49:47,760 --> 00:49:48,760 married? 840 00:49:50,080 --> 00:49:51,380 It's none of my business, is it? 841 00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:54,560 Or maybe if you ask me if I'm married, you think I'm married. 842 00:49:55,070 --> 00:49:58,570 But every time I asked you a personal question, you tried to change the 843 00:50:00,490 --> 00:50:02,530 I didn't ask if you'd be helping, did I? 844 00:50:04,930 --> 00:50:05,930 I'm sorry. 845 00:50:06,630 --> 00:50:07,630 I was married. 846 00:50:08,430 --> 00:50:09,630 But it didn't work out. 847 00:50:09,950 --> 00:50:11,930 No children, no broken bones. 848 00:50:13,190 --> 00:50:14,190 You? 849 00:50:15,690 --> 00:50:16,690 Yeah, I'm married. 850 00:50:17,470 --> 00:50:19,230 But we're not living together at the moment. 851 00:50:36,490 --> 00:50:43,030 Never want to do What am I to do? 852 00:50:43,750 --> 00:50:49,990 Can't help it Love 853 00:50:49,990 --> 00:50:55,750 always been my game Play it how I may 854 00:50:55,750 --> 00:51:02,370 I was made that way Can't 855 00:51:02,370 --> 00:51:03,370 help it 856 00:51:12,520 --> 00:51:18,260 If you had told me one year ago I would drink champagne in a luxury hotel in the 857 00:51:18,260 --> 00:51:19,780 West with a beautiful English woman. 858 00:51:20,360 --> 00:51:24,740 If you told me a year ago, I'd be... Never mind. 859 00:51:25,780 --> 00:51:26,780 So now what? 860 00:51:27,920 --> 00:51:28,920 It's up to you. 861 00:51:30,340 --> 00:51:31,700 I know it's up to me. 862 00:51:32,100 --> 00:51:33,100 It's the trouble. 863 00:51:34,160 --> 00:51:35,280 But you do like me. 864 00:51:35,700 --> 00:51:36,700 Of course. 865 00:51:37,100 --> 00:51:38,100 Good. 866 00:51:38,560 --> 00:51:39,560 That is good. 867 00:51:41,290 --> 00:51:44,210 Because, Tracy, I think I'm falling in love with you. 868 00:51:52,230 --> 00:51:53,230 Hello. 869 00:51:54,610 --> 00:51:55,610 Samaritans. 870 00:51:56,630 --> 00:51:57,850 This is Dorian Green. 871 00:51:59,150 --> 00:52:00,150 What do you mean, again? 872 00:52:02,130 --> 00:52:03,190 All right, I'll hold. 873 00:52:10,700 --> 00:52:12,200 two slags. What? 874 00:52:12,700 --> 00:52:13,700 Your girls. 875 00:52:13,800 --> 00:52:15,780 The ugly sisters. Where are they? 876 00:52:17,180 --> 00:52:18,320 They're in Berlin. 877 00:52:18,780 --> 00:52:19,820 Oh, yeah. 878 00:52:20,420 --> 00:52:22,240 And I'm Barbara Cartland. 879 00:52:23,220 --> 00:52:26,520 I've read your groin torn out by a hungry pitiful terrier. 880 00:52:26,780 --> 00:52:27,780 Oh, God. 881 00:52:29,180 --> 00:52:30,420 Not my groin. 882 00:52:32,520 --> 00:52:36,240 And men tell us that Theo Popolopoulos doesn't cough up. 883 00:52:36,660 --> 00:52:39,800 So you better tell your daughters if they don't get the money. 884 00:52:40,750 --> 00:52:41,750 My daughter? 885 00:52:42,730 --> 00:52:43,730 That's right, love. 886 00:52:44,010 --> 00:52:46,470 And just to show we ain't plonking about. 887 00:52:49,990 --> 00:52:50,990 Nice. 888 00:53:06,790 --> 00:53:08,030 Hazel, jab it. 889 00:53:18,570 --> 00:53:19,570 Do not disturb. 890 00:53:20,510 --> 00:53:21,550 Please, Sharon. 891 00:53:23,570 --> 00:53:24,610 Lucky cat. 892 00:53:26,950 --> 00:53:30,410 She thinks I'm spending the night with Barry. 893 00:53:38,570 --> 00:53:39,930 Oops. Sorry. 894 00:53:41,450 --> 00:53:43,390 Look, I'll come back in half -hour, shall I? 895 00:53:43,650 --> 00:53:45,670 Or 45 minutes, if you ask me nicely. 896 00:53:52,680 --> 00:53:54,080 After all, this is your room. 897 00:54:03,320 --> 00:54:05,220 Geoffrey, I cannot afford a divorce. 898 00:54:05,440 --> 00:54:06,860 I've got too much to lose. 899 00:54:07,400 --> 00:54:08,620 I don't know what to do. 900 00:54:08,980 --> 00:54:10,720 I don't know where else to look for her. 901 00:54:11,540 --> 00:54:13,300 Of course I've tried Brentcroft. 902 00:54:17,020 --> 00:54:19,000 Marcus! Thank God! 903 00:54:19,440 --> 00:54:20,440 Dolly! 904 00:54:22,400 --> 00:54:23,400 Marcus, it was terrible. 905 00:54:23,660 --> 00:54:25,300 I was staying next door. 906 00:54:25,540 --> 00:54:28,520 Next door? And these dreadful women tortured me. 907 00:54:28,900 --> 00:54:29,900 Sharon and Tracey? 908 00:54:30,320 --> 00:54:33,020 They were away, these other dreadful women. 909 00:54:33,520 --> 00:54:35,680 And look what they did to my nails. 910 00:54:36,700 --> 00:54:38,620 Oh, I was so frightened. 911 00:54:39,660 --> 00:54:40,760 Come on, sit down. 912 00:54:41,280 --> 00:54:42,640 Come on, you're all right now. 913 00:54:43,040 --> 00:54:44,120 I'll look after you. 914 00:54:44,680 --> 00:54:47,300 Oh, we're together again. 915 00:54:47,540 --> 00:54:48,540 Yes. 916 00:54:49,020 --> 00:54:50,420 And what about the chick, sir? 917 00:54:52,000 --> 00:54:55,720 Lucinda, she's gone. I fired her. It was all a terrible mistake. 918 00:54:56,680 --> 00:54:58,200 Oh, I'm sorry, babe. 919 00:54:59,140 --> 00:55:00,760 I was under stress. 920 00:55:01,260 --> 00:55:04,820 You don't know what I've been going through. I know exactly what you've been 921 00:55:04,820 --> 00:55:05,820 going through. 922 00:55:06,500 --> 00:55:10,940 But there are no second chances, Marcus, because marriage demands faithfulness 923 00:55:10,940 --> 00:55:11,940 on both sides. 924 00:55:12,560 --> 00:55:13,560 I know. 925 00:55:13,660 --> 00:55:14,558 I know. 926 00:55:14,560 --> 00:55:15,560 I know. 927 00:55:16,220 --> 00:55:19,040 So, how can I make it up to you? 928 00:55:19,900 --> 00:55:20,900 Well... 929 00:55:21,440 --> 00:55:23,400 Barbados is very nice with time of year. 930 00:55:31,240 --> 00:55:32,240 Think of this one. 931 00:55:32,700 --> 00:55:33,700 How much? 932 00:55:35,820 --> 00:55:36,820 500 mark. 933 00:55:37,940 --> 00:55:38,940 That's not bad. 934 00:55:39,800 --> 00:55:41,640 Your Manfred will love you in there. 935 00:55:41,960 --> 00:55:42,960 Oh, leave it at. 936 00:55:43,100 --> 00:55:44,100 Here, try it. 937 00:55:46,640 --> 00:55:48,080 What am I going to do, shall? 938 00:55:50,220 --> 00:55:52,080 You know what I mean about Manfred. 939 00:55:52,420 --> 00:55:53,540 It's all your fault. 940 00:55:54,300 --> 00:55:57,660 You mean if I hadn't barged in last night, you would have got your leg over? 941 00:55:58,020 --> 00:56:01,380 No, I mean, you haven't covered me in the first place. I've never invited you 942 00:56:01,380 --> 00:56:02,380 back. 943 00:56:03,580 --> 00:56:04,660 He's lovely, though. 944 00:56:05,060 --> 00:56:06,060 What, Manfred? 945 00:56:06,820 --> 00:56:11,940 Look, you're a married woman on holiday. Your husband's otherwise engaged. 946 00:56:13,000 --> 00:56:15,540 We're talking biology here, Trace, that's all. 947 00:56:16,120 --> 00:56:19,420 Your hormones are crying out to be stirred up. 948 00:56:20,029 --> 00:56:24,170 Well, it's more than that. What have we really meant for each other? You're not. 949 00:56:24,790 --> 00:56:26,250 He's not even got a sense of humour. 950 00:56:26,630 --> 00:56:27,690 Well, he's German, isn't he? 951 00:56:29,090 --> 00:56:31,530 Anyway, I've got enough of you cracking jokes all day. 952 00:56:32,330 --> 00:56:34,150 You've only known him five minutes. 953 00:56:34,970 --> 00:56:36,970 So he's got nice muscles, so what? 954 00:56:37,870 --> 00:56:39,850 Come on, let's play for these and go and have a coffee, eh? 955 00:56:41,510 --> 00:56:43,950 Actually, I think I'll go and see how Manfred's getting on. 956 00:56:48,430 --> 00:56:49,430 Hello? 957 00:56:50,160 --> 00:56:51,160 Tracy, hello. 958 00:56:54,240 --> 00:56:55,980 Go on, Trace. Don't mind me. 959 00:56:58,760 --> 00:57:00,000 That's a beautiful jacket. 960 00:57:00,680 --> 00:57:02,160 See, I told you he'd like it. 961 00:57:02,820 --> 00:57:04,280 Is that big car coming along then? 962 00:57:04,780 --> 00:57:05,940 It's coming along quite well. 963 00:57:06,240 --> 00:57:09,480 It won't be ready by the time you have to go home. I'll have to bring it to 964 00:57:09,480 --> 00:57:10,480 England next week. 965 00:57:11,920 --> 00:57:13,040 Is he coming over then? 966 00:57:13,360 --> 00:57:14,360 Of course. 967 00:57:14,760 --> 00:57:16,460 Tracy said I can stay in her big house. 968 00:57:17,860 --> 00:57:19,920 You said that'd be all right, then, did you, Tracy? 969 00:57:20,560 --> 00:57:22,600 Well, we talked about it. 970 00:57:24,420 --> 00:57:25,420 A moment. 971 00:57:28,960 --> 00:57:31,440 Are you out of your tree? What? 972 00:57:32,040 --> 00:57:33,320 Asking him to come and live. 973 00:57:33,600 --> 00:57:36,000 I don't think you've got any right to object to him coming and living in my 974 00:57:36,000 --> 00:57:37,700 house. And what about Daryl? 975 00:57:38,080 --> 00:57:40,900 You don't think he might be a teeny -weeny bit upset? 976 00:57:41,400 --> 00:57:44,660 I'm not saying Manfred should stay, you know, long -term. 977 00:57:45,710 --> 00:57:47,270 We can get a photo of his hand and I'll see him there. 978 00:57:48,370 --> 00:57:52,750 And you could change your name to Dorian Green by depot. 979 00:57:53,390 --> 00:57:54,390 Dorian's just lust. 980 00:57:55,010 --> 00:57:57,570 This is... You know. 981 00:57:58,930 --> 00:58:01,010 I hope you know what you're doing, Trace. 982 00:58:01,270 --> 00:58:03,270 Oh, shut up, Sharon. Of course I don't. 983 00:58:29,070 --> 00:58:30,350 Yeah, right. 984 00:58:33,290 --> 00:58:34,910 End of holiday romance. 985 00:58:35,650 --> 00:58:37,130 Message receiving understood. 986 00:58:37,410 --> 00:58:38,930 Roger. Over and out. 987 00:58:42,290 --> 00:58:44,610 It might not just be boring, you know. 988 00:58:44,990 --> 00:58:46,190 He might be mental, I know. 989 00:58:48,950 --> 00:58:50,350 And I've missed him, shall. 990 00:58:51,790 --> 00:58:52,790 What, Manfred? 991 00:58:54,270 --> 00:58:57,530 Blimey, Trace, they've only just switched off the seatbelts, haven't 992 00:59:02,390 --> 00:59:07,430 If I see Barry once more in my life, I'm going to commit a murder. 993 00:59:07,650 --> 00:59:09,330 Don't worry, cases ain't up yet. 994 00:59:10,810 --> 00:59:11,810 Excuse me, officer. 995 00:59:12,569 --> 00:59:16,270 There's a very dodgy bloke on our flight with his angle bandaged up. 996 00:59:17,010 --> 00:59:20,510 And I think you might find something very interesting if you look under those 997 00:59:20,510 --> 00:59:21,510 bandages. 998 00:59:27,470 --> 00:59:30,470 Excuse me, sir. Would you mind stepping in the office for a moment? 999 00:59:55,120 --> 00:59:57,080 From Daryl. No, from Manfred. 1000 00:59:57,720 --> 01:00:00,140 He must have sent it the day before yesterday, so that'd be you. 1001 01:00:00,400 --> 01:00:01,400 Hmm. 1002 01:00:01,540 --> 01:00:02,540 Oh, one from Chris. 1003 01:00:02,820 --> 01:00:04,960 Ah, there's one from your Daryl. 1004 01:00:06,780 --> 01:00:08,000 I'll read it later. 1005 01:00:09,120 --> 01:00:11,720 I hope you know what you're getting yourself into, Trace. 1006 01:00:12,940 --> 01:00:14,860 You go, in case Barry followed us. 1007 01:00:17,980 --> 01:00:19,400 Thank you very much. 1008 01:00:20,220 --> 01:00:23,300 I wish I could speak German. 1009 01:00:23,980 --> 01:00:24,859 What are you doing? 1010 01:00:24,860 --> 01:00:26,060 going? Do you really want to know? 1011 01:00:26,540 --> 01:00:27,540 No, not really. 1012 01:00:28,600 --> 01:00:31,880 Well, while you two have been gallivanting round Germany, I have left 1013 01:00:31,880 --> 01:00:33,660 husband. I have returned to my husband. 1014 01:00:33,880 --> 01:00:38,380 I have been spurned by my mother, ignored by the Samaritans, and assaulted 1015 01:00:38,380 --> 01:00:41,920 two psychopathic women with a pit bull terrier who thought I was your mother. 1016 01:00:45,340 --> 01:00:47,320 Well, they're very short -sighted pit bulls. 1017 01:00:48,800 --> 01:00:50,460 Some McCarthy women are turning ugly. 1018 01:00:50,820 --> 01:00:52,300 What do you mean, turning? 1019 01:00:56,069 --> 01:00:58,570 Oh, I was wondering when you'd notice. 1020 01:00:59,530 --> 01:01:04,830 Those disgusting harpies trimmed them for me with your sabatier meat cleaver. 1021 01:01:05,470 --> 01:01:07,630 Oh, I hope you washed it up after. 1022 01:01:14,130 --> 01:01:15,970 So, did you bring the message mitt back with you? 1023 01:01:16,210 --> 01:01:18,970 No, it was a wreck. We had to find some bloke to do it up. 1024 01:01:19,470 --> 01:01:20,910 He's bringing it over next week. 1025 01:01:21,870 --> 01:01:22,870 Great. 1026 01:01:23,839 --> 01:01:25,500 So, who is he then, this bloke? 1027 01:01:26,220 --> 01:01:27,620 Good -looking German hunk, eh? 1028 01:01:28,540 --> 01:01:32,740 Come off it. He's 70 of his a day. A nicotine -stained moustache, no teeth 1029 01:01:32,740 --> 01:01:33,740 bad breath. 1030 01:01:34,140 --> 01:01:35,320 Well, Sharon's type, then. 1031 01:01:38,800 --> 01:01:40,340 Just for a warning, they said. 1032 01:01:41,740 --> 01:01:43,960 If you ask me, the McCarthy women are worse than the men. 1033 01:01:45,040 --> 01:01:46,600 Good job me and Trace weren't there. 1034 01:01:46,800 --> 01:01:47,820 We bite our nails. 1035 01:01:49,960 --> 01:01:51,700 It'll be my fingers next, they said. 1036 01:01:52,970 --> 01:01:54,090 Don't worry, Chris, it's all in hand. 1037 01:01:55,490 --> 01:01:56,490 Look, 1038 01:01:57,570 --> 01:01:59,410 the car will be here next week, as good as new. 1039 01:02:00,070 --> 01:02:02,750 And I've already booked it into one of those collector's car auctions for that 1040 01:02:02,750 --> 01:02:03,750 weekend. 1041 01:02:04,350 --> 01:02:06,070 I just hope the McCarthy's await, that's all. 1042 01:02:06,570 --> 01:02:07,570 They'll wait. 1043 01:02:08,090 --> 01:02:09,810 Anyway, what's the worst they can do to you? 1044 01:02:15,370 --> 01:02:16,490 What? Sideways? 1045 01:02:21,160 --> 01:02:23,740 And then when I saw Daryl this afternoon, he was so sweet. 1046 01:02:23,980 --> 01:02:27,140 He could see I was upset about something, and he tried to cheer me up. 1047 01:02:27,440 --> 01:02:30,100 Well, I don't think I'm the best person to give you advice, Tracy. 1048 01:02:30,540 --> 01:02:34,000 Of course you are, Dorian. You know more about furtive, guilt -ridden sex than 1049 01:02:34,000 --> 01:02:35,000 anyone I know. 1050 01:02:35,680 --> 01:02:38,780 Thank you for that endorsement, Tracy, but I've turned my back on all of that 1051 01:02:38,780 --> 01:02:40,900 now. I am a one -man woman. 1052 01:02:41,240 --> 01:02:42,300 One at a time, you mean. 1053 01:02:42,980 --> 01:02:46,340 No, I'm serious, Tracy. My days of wanton lust are behind me. 1054 01:02:47,260 --> 01:02:49,540 Anyway, I didn't think you and Manfred actually did anything. 1055 01:02:50,220 --> 01:02:52,200 Well, we didn't. But I wanted to. 1056 01:02:52,420 --> 01:02:56,060 And if Sharon hadn't barged in... Tracy, life is too short to worry about the 1057 01:02:56,060 --> 01:02:57,120 sins you didn't commit. 1058 01:02:58,000 --> 01:03:02,000 But I really wanted him, Dorian. The last time I felt like that about someone 1059 01:03:02,000 --> 01:03:04,600 was when I... You know, the first time with Daryl. 1060 01:03:05,140 --> 01:03:08,120 I can imagine, Tracy, and I sympathise. It sounds like me and Luke. 1061 01:03:08,540 --> 01:03:12,960 But I promise you, it is only animal magnetism. No, it ain't just that. 1062 01:03:13,220 --> 01:03:17,200 It can't be. It can be. I know. As you said, I am an expert. 1063 01:03:21,270 --> 01:03:24,390 Yeah, we can't wait to see the car, Manfred. It sounds great. 1064 01:03:28,710 --> 01:03:32,650 Listen, Manfred, before you go on, I don't think you should come with the 1065 01:03:34,410 --> 01:03:37,190 I just don't think it's a good idea you come into England, that's all. 1066 01:03:39,190 --> 01:03:41,250 Of course I like you, that's the problem. 1067 01:03:41,930 --> 01:03:43,290 You made Berlin fantastic. 1068 01:03:44,410 --> 01:03:45,850 My life's here in Chigwell. 1069 01:03:46,510 --> 01:03:47,510 I've got responsibilities. 1070 01:03:49,960 --> 01:03:52,120 I know I said my husband and I weren't living together. 1071 01:03:53,640 --> 01:03:55,000 No, I weren't lying. 1072 01:03:57,540 --> 01:03:59,000 I'm sorry too, Manfred. 1073 01:04:00,640 --> 01:04:01,640 Manfred? 1074 01:04:02,920 --> 01:04:03,920 Manfred? 1075 01:04:06,200 --> 01:04:11,680 You're young up. 1076 01:04:12,060 --> 01:04:13,060 Oh, Shell. 1077 01:04:14,000 --> 01:04:15,540 It's for the best, Trace. 1078 01:04:16,220 --> 01:04:17,220 Do you reckon? 1079 01:04:17,680 --> 01:04:18,680 I know. 1080 01:04:22,020 --> 01:04:23,420 Yeah. Take it well, did he? 1081 01:04:24,580 --> 01:04:25,580 What do you think? 1082 01:04:26,600 --> 01:04:27,600 Oh, dear. 1083 01:04:29,180 --> 01:04:32,080 Well, let's just pray to God you don't hang on to the Messerschmitt, then. 1084 01:05:44,910 --> 01:05:47,270 Blimey. No wonder the crats lost the Battle of Britain. 1085 01:05:49,450 --> 01:05:50,490 Trice, stop. 1086 01:05:50,710 --> 01:05:53,290 Look at her charm. Why don't you not scratch that paintwork? If I had a 1087 01:05:53,290 --> 01:05:54,370 paintwork, we'd be lid -stuck. 1088 01:06:14,380 --> 01:06:15,380 What are you doing in London? 1089 01:06:15,600 --> 01:06:17,160 I've got a bone to pick with Sharon. 1090 01:06:17,480 --> 01:06:18,238 She's there. 1091 01:06:18,240 --> 01:06:19,440 She won't be back till lunchtime. 1092 01:06:19,740 --> 01:06:20,740 I'll wait. 1093 01:06:30,100 --> 01:06:31,200 He does it sometimes. 1094 01:06:31,540 --> 01:06:34,340 You just have to switch it off and gently fiddle it out with a wooden 1095 01:06:34,780 --> 01:06:36,360 Don't worry, I've got the same toaster at home. 1096 01:06:46,130 --> 01:06:47,330 Blimey, what are you doing here? 1097 01:06:47,530 --> 01:06:48,530 Hello, Sharon. 1098 01:06:48,910 --> 01:06:51,310 If I'd known you were there, I'd have gone down to the council and registered 1099 01:06:51,310 --> 01:06:52,310 homeless. 1100 01:06:52,530 --> 01:06:53,810 What do you mean, if you'd known? 1101 01:06:54,410 --> 01:06:58,750 Whose new Golf GTI Turbo 16 -valve dropheading thing's parked in your 1102 01:06:59,530 --> 01:07:00,468 No -one's. 1103 01:07:00,470 --> 01:07:01,470 What? 1104 01:07:02,190 --> 01:07:04,210 There's nothing in the drive except tarmac. 1105 01:07:05,210 --> 01:07:07,390 Come on, Shazza, you can't catch me that easy. 1106 01:07:21,040 --> 01:07:22,040 Lovely age registration. 1107 01:07:22,180 --> 01:07:22,919 Can't be earlier. 1108 01:07:22,920 --> 01:07:23,920 Where's your phone? 1109 01:07:26,100 --> 01:07:32,140 What do you want? 1110 01:07:33,000 --> 01:07:35,540 We'll have the money by next weekend, we promise. 1111 01:07:36,180 --> 01:07:38,680 Yeah, well, we ain't interested no more. 1112 01:07:38,920 --> 01:07:42,320 We said we'd have the cash or goods to the value of. 1113 01:07:42,680 --> 01:07:46,200 You're getting soft, Trace. Last time I said internal organs. 1114 01:08:30,060 --> 01:08:31,060 what this means, don't you? 1115 01:08:31,779 --> 01:08:35,020 Yeah. Barry's Volkswagen ain't going to pass its MOT. 1116 01:08:36,920 --> 01:08:41,720 It also means we may be able to flog the Messerschmitt and keep the money. 1117 01:08:54,560 --> 01:08:56,939 Hello, lads. 1118 01:08:57,260 --> 01:08:58,259 Guess what? 1119 01:08:58,260 --> 01:08:59,300 What? I've got your money. 1120 01:08:59,790 --> 01:09:02,490 Yeah, my old lady's going to smuggle it in on Monday. 1121 01:09:03,250 --> 01:09:06,069 Well, she'll get her hands on them sort of spoons then. Well, she's flogging my 1122 01:09:06,069 --> 01:09:08,229 car in auction today. In fact, she's probably sold it me now. 1123 01:09:09,670 --> 01:09:10,670 What car? 1124 01:09:10,950 --> 01:09:15,069 No, what car don't do classified advertising? It's more of a sort of 1125 01:09:15,069 --> 01:09:16,069 magazine. 1126 01:09:17,850 --> 01:09:20,410 Come here. 1127 01:09:22,850 --> 01:09:26,590 So tell us about this car then, Chris. Well, that's why Sharon wanted to get a 1128 01:09:26,590 --> 01:09:29,490 Berlin. I've got this car there. Someone's looking after it for me. 1129 01:09:29,850 --> 01:09:32,069 She brought it back to sell. It's worth a lot of money. 1130 01:09:33,390 --> 01:09:38,689 Oh, your wife is a stupid, mindless slag. 1131 01:09:38,890 --> 01:09:40,330 I know, but I married her. What can I do? 1132 01:09:41,470 --> 01:09:42,550 I'm not talking to you. 1133 01:09:42,910 --> 01:09:43,910 I'm talking to him. 1134 01:09:45,149 --> 01:09:46,930 I said we should play it cool, didn't I? 1135 01:09:47,569 --> 01:09:50,649 Squeeze the money out of the bubble. But, oh, no, that's not good enough for 1136 01:09:50,649 --> 01:09:53,109 your Viv, is it? She's got to prove she's some sort of gangland boss who 1137 01:09:53,109 --> 01:09:53,749 be crossed. 1138 01:09:53,750 --> 01:09:55,930 She was doing what she thought best. Thought best? 1139 01:09:56,520 --> 01:09:58,760 Sober, he was actually going to pay his debts for the first time in his horrible 1140 01:09:58,760 --> 01:10:02,060 life, and your ugly, tattooed slut only turns his motor into the world's biggest 1141 01:10:02,060 --> 01:10:03,060 stock, so can you. 1142 01:10:03,120 --> 01:10:07,760 I tell you what, that pitbull teddy of hers has got more brains in his corpus 1143 01:10:07,760 --> 01:10:09,480 than she has in the hole of her flaming head. 1144 01:10:43,150 --> 01:10:43,749 one piece. 1145 01:10:43,750 --> 01:10:44,750 Yeah, you alright? 1146 01:10:45,610 --> 01:10:47,730 I heard the McCarthy women paid you another visit. 1147 01:10:49,490 --> 01:10:52,070 Yeah, yeah, we was lucky they took it out in the car. 1148 01:10:52,270 --> 01:10:54,010 What a choker, eh? 1149 01:10:54,430 --> 01:10:58,790 They go to all that trouble to find my Messerschmitt, bring it back, do it up, 1150 01:10:58,870 --> 01:10:59,870 and they crush it. 1151 01:11:00,730 --> 01:11:02,410 Yeah, yeah, it's heartbreaking. 1152 01:11:03,670 --> 01:11:05,390 Still, I'm off the hook. 1153 01:11:06,430 --> 01:11:08,030 What, the McCarfys were in your debtor? 1154 01:11:08,450 --> 01:11:12,310 Well, not exactly, but they put five of the screws in hospital. 1155 01:11:13,720 --> 01:11:16,660 It's like I've been transferred to the partner of a serious psychopath wing. 1156 01:11:17,360 --> 01:11:20,540 Yours truly has been made a trustee and been given a job in a prison library. 1157 01:11:21,920 --> 01:11:23,680 Too bad you never learnt to read, hasn't it? 1158 01:11:25,740 --> 01:11:28,060 So we took it down the auction and cleared nine grand. 1159 01:11:28,420 --> 01:11:29,420 Nine grand? 1160 01:11:29,440 --> 01:11:30,600 And she ain't going to tell Chris? 1161 01:11:30,940 --> 01:11:33,640 If you don't tweak, you won't let on, will you? Of course not. 1162 01:11:34,260 --> 01:11:36,060 Yeah, did you get the photos back from the chemist yet? 1163 01:11:36,380 --> 01:11:37,380 Oh, yeah. 1164 01:11:43,430 --> 01:11:44,430 This is our hotel. 1165 01:11:44,690 --> 01:11:46,310 Right. That's the telly crew. 1166 01:11:46,550 --> 01:11:48,050 Right bunch of piss -arties they were. 1167 01:11:49,450 --> 01:11:52,570 That's Sharon and Barry at Berlin Zoo, just before the chimp bit him. 1168 01:11:53,350 --> 01:11:55,530 That's what the Messerschmitt looked like when we found it. 1169 01:11:56,470 --> 01:11:57,470 Oi. 1170 01:11:59,150 --> 01:12:01,410 Who's this muscle man lurking in the background there? 1171 01:12:02,010 --> 01:12:07,510 Eh? I mean, he don't look like no 70 -year -old toothless Jerry to me. 1172 01:12:09,090 --> 01:12:10,230 Oh, that's Manfred. 1173 01:12:10,710 --> 01:12:11,710 The old man's nephew. 1174 01:12:12,430 --> 01:12:13,790 He helped a bit with the body work. 1175 01:12:15,670 --> 01:12:17,590 You sure he didn't help out with your body work? 1176 01:12:18,410 --> 01:12:20,410 Come off it. It was dead boring. 1177 01:12:20,670 --> 01:12:21,970 I had no sense of humour. 1178 01:12:23,970 --> 01:12:24,990 Don't you trust me? 1179 01:12:29,150 --> 01:12:30,530 Yeah, of course I do. 1180 01:12:31,370 --> 01:12:35,950 Oh, look, I know I've got a jealous streak and prison don't make it no 1181 01:12:36,030 --> 01:12:41,510 but I thought of you outside waiting for me, keeping yourself for me. 1182 01:12:44,810 --> 01:12:45,810 What's wrong, sugar? 1183 01:12:47,870 --> 01:12:48,870 Nothing. 1184 01:12:49,010 --> 01:12:50,790 I've just forgotten how much I love you. 1185 01:13:14,920 --> 01:13:17,920 Love's always been my game 1186 01:13:44,750 --> 01:13:49,050 Stay with us for the king of comedy giving you the gift of laughter. Don't 1187 01:13:49,050 --> 01:13:52,570 we don't look after you. It's Kenny Everett and his television show, Up 1188 01:13:52,690 --> 01:13:53,690 Paramount Comedy 2.